Becky Says...

April 2005

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Goodbye to a Bad Month - April 30

I am not sorry to see April end. This one has been a real bitch of a month, even with a few lovely moments and some excellent basketball.

The month ends for me with one of my crazy-making backaches, so it's just as well I didn't need to go anywhere today. I would have been wearing the face that scares children.

There was much resting, and a few chores got done. And a lot of thinking happened. Accompanying the thinking was some playing of my latest time-suck game, JLines at Netives.

And then there was a long nap. Apparently all that thinking was very tiring.

Complicated - April 29

Then came today. Not so much grace in it as pain and awareness of being very unhappy about, if not freaked out completely by, cars driving just a little bit too fast.

I thought it would be nice to give myself about twenty minutes' head start on an errand that needed doing after work. So I headed out early, only to miss the earlier bus. I knew other buses from different routes might come by earlier than the one I ordinarily took, but that to catch any of them I'd need to walk up to the next bus stop. I headed that direction, on the sidewalk that separates the kudzu from the edge of Franklin Street.

This was the section of Franklin just past the point where the bypass and business versions of the highway separate, and was the business one. People are supposed to have slowed down before heading into town. People didn't. The traffic was scary fast whizzing past the narrow sidewalk. I was glad when the sidewalk widened, at the edge of a piece of developed property.

Then I got to wait. I could have walked further, but I wasn't sure of all the schedules, and was a little afraid I'd put myself in the limbo of being between two bus stops when a bus came. Traffic is not such that the bus drivers will stop between marked stops. I decided not to risk the limbo.

So there I was. Stuck at a bus stop sign, with no place to sit and no shade. And still a little skittish from the racetrack just to my left. And with my back aching, and at least an hour to go before I could get home, thanks to needing to run an errand that meant missing the earlier of two buses heading to my apartment complex. And a lot of empty time to think.

The thoughts were complicated ones, about various aspects of my life that are complicated just now. They worked their way around to how I wish I could curl up into a tight little ball when I feel vulnerable, so that I could roll away from whatever is scary. It would be nice to be able to bounce, too. And rebounding sounds like a winner.

Since I couldn't make myself into a tight little ball, I got on the next bus and went on my way.

Text © copyright 2000-2005 Becky