December 2002

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This year, I'm a little annoyed at myself. I had really thought, this time last year, that I'd have a new Christmas tradition ready to go this year. You know, something shiny and new instead of either trying to recreate the old traditions or be as depressed over being alone as I was last year.

And it hasn't happened. I'm not the same sort of depressed as I was last year, but today I've been sad and tired. Tired contributes to sad, and the fact that it's been cold and rainy most of the day has not helped bring cheer!

In case you're wondering, I have decided against the family get together over the weekend. The reason for this has very little to do with traveling. It has a lot to do with not taking kindly to being ordered to come to see a cousin who has for reasons I don't know been out of touch with the rest of us for a number of years.

My take on the whole thing is that if she wanted to get back in touch with us, she could damned well have written. I for one haven't moved in a very long time. I've only had one change of e-mail address. And everyone else in the family knew how to find me, if she didn't.

Am I being a little (okay, a lot) petty? Probably. But I would have to make more plans and go to more trouble than I think this gathering would be worth to get there. So I'm taking a pass.

Okay, so what's with the sad crap? Well, I'm sad that I'm not with a few people I really love. And I miss my mother and several other people, relatives and friends, who are no longer on this earth. I miss Christmas Eve at home, with my friend Donna coming by on her way to her parents' home (or on her way back from there). I miss going to Christmas Eve service at my home church.

A side comment: my church at home would have dragged the hymns as badly as the Lutherans in Chicago are doing at the moment. I hate draggy hymns, so I don't miss that part of the service.

But there are some things I'm not sad about at all. I'm not sad that I wasn't out in traffic. I'm not sad that I'm in my apartment, which I love, safe and warm. I'm not sad that I have a few days off to play with my Christmas presents.

And I'm most pleased that I have some wonderful people in my life.

So maybe I don't have all of my new tradition in place. I'll work on it during the coming year. Meantime, if you're reading this on Christmas Day, Merry Christmas!