May 2004

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I'm in a very prickly mood tonight. A friend accidentally triggered it, with an innocent remark about not being as good at living in the moment as at looking forward or backward.

And I'm good at living in the moment because I rarely have much beyond the moment to look forward to. It's been a long time since I really had anything fun and exciting happening in my life, and I miss the anticipation.

Don't get me wrong. I love my job. I have good friends. Most of the time, I'm quite content with my life. But sometimes I really want something happy and fun and exciting to anticipate, and to enjoy the hell out of when the something comes to pass.

I have not given up hope; I don't do that, really. It's just that whatever fun and exciting thing will happen in my life is so far down the road I can't even see a destination sign yet.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Also going on right now is a lot of real unhappiness, not so much in my life as in the lives of people I care about. Most of this is not mine to tell, obviously. But if you have some spare good thoughts to send out, aim them toward Becky's friends, please. I'm sure the universe will see to it that they are delivered appropriately.