December 2009

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The Hunger Site

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So what's it like being so broke? Well, it's like this. It's having a headache and not having the money to buy ibuprofen.

It's being hungry because there isn't much food in the place, and knowing there isn't much money for more. Related, it's making your grocery list knowing that it's going to take you two hours to go buy the two ingredients you can afford. Related again, it's having lost weight you weren't planning or even hoping to lose. (And that last point is a mixed blessing.)

It's knowing that you have very little time to come up with rent money, and hoping that when you get in touch with them, the social service agencies will be able to help. Because if they can't, you know you really can't make it in the local shelter. And the one person who offered to have you come move in is several states away, and you have no car nor any rental-truck fees to get there.

And it's knowing you really can't ask for loans for the rent, because you aren't at all sure you could pay them back.

And let's not forget it is winter. On that particular note, a good thing: It's being really grateful to the generous friend who paid your overdue power bill last week.

It's spending entirely too much time looking for work, not quite enough time doing your own work, wondering if this day's batch of job leads will be fruitful, wondering if someone will please order a scrubber or wire angel because then you an afford a third item on the grocery list and if several of either of them got ordered, there's almost enough money for the whole list.

It's being embarrassed. It's wondering what's next. It's being grateful for good wishes, prayers, and other encouragement.

And it's asking for the courage and the wisdom to get through the next day.

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