Becky Says...

December 2006

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A Promise - December 18

This is the week when I ordinarily put up Christmas decorations in my apartment. But a number of years ago, it was the week I took them down.

I was still doing the back-and-forth aspect of caring for my mother, and I had been up here for three weeks, doing Advent things with friends. I allowed myself to decorate the apartment early that year, since I wanted to spend some time enjoying my decorations.

But I got all practical when it was approaching the day I was to leave, and decided that it didn't matter that I usually leave the decorations up till Epiphany, I should go ahead and put them away since I wasn't sure how long it would be until I returned.

So I took the ornaments down from the wall over the piano, then gathered the ones placed elsewhere and all the relevant boxes. I sat down in the living room floor to pack the decorations so they'd be safe and ready for the next year.

As I packed, I happened to look up at the blank wall space that had recently been home to the ornaments. That I was putting the ornaments away, instead of deciding where on the wall each one would go that year, wound up representing everything that was off-kilter in my life.

I was overwhelmed with sadness at leaving my home and not knowing when I would be back. I was overwhelmed with the responsibilities I had regarding my mother. I was overwhelmed with the emptiness that comes with uncertainty.

And I sat in the floor and cried. I don't know how long I sat there before I resumed the packing away of decorations.

I knew it was a good and necessary thing to have that time to weep. But I also knew I could do one small thing to take some of the sting out of any uncertainty in years to come, so I made a promise.

The promise was that anytime my Advent and Christmas time were split between here and Mother's home, I would not undecorate the apartment early, even if it meant the decorations stayed up till past Easter. And I kept it.

Text © copyright 2000-2006 Becky

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