May 2005

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This is adapted from an e-mail message I sent to Patrick today. I thought you might enjoy it, too.

You will recall I have said on more than one occasion that I would like to have some attention from the straight males of the species. I should have been just a whit more specific, I think. I almost came to work bearing with me an elderly man whose first language is not English.

I was waiting downtown for the bus to the office when he came up and asked for a cigarette. I gave him one, then he wanted to sit next to me, and what was my name and where did I live? I decided that last was way too much information, so I just said I was Becky and I lived in Chapel Hill. (This is close enough to the truth under the circumstances.)

Alas, I don't believe Antonio (he told me his name) and I are going to have a long relationship. He did get on the same bus I did, but I made it pretty plain I wasn't looking for a seatmate, so he went wherever he sat then got off the bus before I did.

I was planning to lead him to the wrong place if he was still on the bus when I got to the office complex, and thought he should come with me. There are lots and lots of offices there, and I have at least a nodding acquaintance with most of the tenants/owners.

I was planning to misdirect him not because I was particularly afraid of him, but because I was afraid he would park himself in the lobby and go with me every time I went to smoke. And since it got old answering questions the first time we smoked together, I definitely did not want a repeat.

It's better that he left.

* * * * * * * * * * *

My friend who is in recovery has now made it through eleven months. That particular milestone is important to me because I remember what bad shape he was in eleven months ago, as much as any other reason. His life is by no means perfect these days, but he is continuing to work the AA program, and to see his therapist and do other things with the goals of continued sobriety and a better life. I continue to be very proud of him.

When I congratulated him on the eleven months, he told me how much it meant to him that I remembered the milestones. I'm glad it matters. Of course, we all know my remembering is the easy part. He's the one who has to reach them.