Becky Says...

November 2004

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November 17

I had, a while back, thought about trying to take some time off work around Thanksgiving, to go back to my home church for N's last official Sunday as music director. But then I realized how much it would take out of me, and I don't mean money, to have to deal with that holiday there. And I changed my mind about the trip.

My family there, on both sides, has a way of getting very dysfunctional at Thanksgiving. I think we do so to get it out of the way for Christmas; usually people are lovely then. But at Thanksgiving there are arguments and bickering in abundance. It's almost as though we've planted a crop of ugly that we harvest on the Wednesday of that week, and serve up as a side dish.

And I don't need that. I am usually a spectator to the arguments, because I don't really have anyone there to argue with about anything. But as much as I hate being in an argument, I hate being witness to one. So I'm doing my own mental health a favor and skipping the fray.

There was one situation that could have been an argument, had I let it. The cousins on the paternal side asked me why I continued to go to the dinner held at the maternal cousins' home after my mother was dead. They wanted me to join them in a pilgrimage to another cousin's home in South Carolina instead. I thanked them for the invitation, but declined, saying that I had already accepted the maternal ones' invitation, etc.

Even though I'm sure the paternal ones meant well, I really didn't like the tone of the question. I wound up feeling as though I were in some weird custody battle, as both child and judge.

Staying here definitely prevents that one arising again.

Text © copyright 2000-2004 Becky