November 2004

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Today is my birthday. As of 9:37 this morning I have been on this earth 51 years. Except I'm only claiming to be 25. That was a good age; I think I'll stay there.

This has been a pleasant day, if rather low-key. I have heard from a lot of people, several birds, and a Golden Retriever.

And yet there's a sadness in this birthday. I am now the age (well, minus five months and a week) that my father was when he died. I know it's not especially rational, but it scares me, and has me feeling very fragile and vulnerable. Yes, I know I'm healthy. I also know Daddy was healthy, until right around the time he dropped dead.

Please don't try reassuring me on this---it really isn't necessary. This is my own little pet fear, coming to visit. It will go away (definitely in five months, one week, and a day), and it is not taking over all of my mind. It's just there.

I was thinking this morning about my father. By the time he reached this age, he was a lot more settled into life than I am. He had married his beloved, he had a child he adored, and a job he loved. Well, I at least have a job I love.

And I have a great legacy from Daddy. People who knew him and are still alive still remember him, and remember his even temper and his high regard for things ethical. I've told you before (in fact, it's in that entry linked above) that one of the nicest things my mother ever said of me was that I was as ethical as he was. That's a compliment I try with all my soul to deserve.

The celebrating will continue with several friends as the month goes on. And thanks to appointment schedules and such, the law firm's November birthday lunch will be held on December 1. It's all good: we don't have any December birthdays.

And I've always been one who liked to keep the celebration going.

Happy Birthday to Me!