February 2002
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February 9 What was already a hard week got harder. I said on Thursday that someone had hurt my feelings, perhaps inadvertently. Things got worse on Friday, when someone else basically let me know I wasn't worth knowing anymore. I've had much worse things happen in my life, than to be told in uncertain terms (no, I didn't leave out a word) that I'm not worth knowing. But that doesn't mean this doesn't hurt. The timing makes it hurt even worse. I wish it hadn't happened yesterday, when I was already fragile. I wish it hadn't happened without my knowing why, since I thought we were friends. And to my knowledge, I have done this person no harm. If I have, I will be happy to try to make amends. Sorry if this all sounds way too much like the lament of a girl done wrong in a romance. It's far, far from that in this case. But there it is, an ugly, elephant-like blob of hurt feelings on my part. The blob is covered with a lot of questions, that will probably remain unanswered since I have no plans to force the issue. Nor do I plan to retaliate. I'm not into vengeance, especially when I'm not sure what the hell is going on. I hate it when things like this happen. I tend to wander through life with my heart open. And sometimes, it gets its little, tender self wounded. It will take some time to heal.