Dear Earache,

I was wondering when you'd show up. I know you're just here because I've had to take antihistamine for a while. But did you have to land in my good ear? Couldn't you have been just as happy over on the other side, in the ear that doesn't work so well anyway?

And that waking-me-up-too-early bit? Was that really necessary? Why couldn't you wait another couple of hours before wanting eardrops? It seems that you need better manners. I thought you had settled in to sleep after you caused all those popping sounds in the wee hours of the morning. But apparently you hadn't made enough mischief. No, you had to demand that I get up, way before the rest of my body parts were in the mood to be awake.

I have finally managed to get you settled down, as the day is starting in earnest. Now you want to let me sleep for a while, when I really don't have the time. And I bet you plan to stay the weekend, don't you? Are you planning to make me go through the wake-up drill (apt word there; what was it with the stabbing pain?) every time I try to sleep?

Well, think again, honey. I am in no mood for your foolishness, and I want you out of here as soon as possible. As I've told bigger pains than you, there is only room in this place for one bitch, and since I pay the rent, the title is mine.

Your Ungracious Hostess

Later on: Apparently the earache realized I wasn't kidding. It has backed off a good bit over the course of the day.