May 17, 2001
Southern Belle Bites Back
Oh dear. Someone who came to North Carolina for the most recent furniture show in High Point didn't have a really good time. And she got all cranky about it.
David has commented on a few of her remarks. I thought I would say a bit, too, since I know the place somewhat.
Oh poor Ms. Thing. I am so terribly sorry you had such a bad time in North Carolina on your recent trip. Perhaps your cranky little comments were provoked more by tiredness than you realized. You know, I love wearing high heeled shoes, but I get the ones with a little comfort padding in them when I'm gonna be strolling over that much territory.
Or perhaps your silly little head doesn't realize that High Point qualifies as a small city, not a sleepy, rural town. Why, honey, it even has a newspaper and a teevee station, for your entertainment pleasure.
And those eggs you had? Darlin', that was not lard. It's the restaurant version of butter-flavored shortening. It comes in gallon-sized cans, and is often applied to the griddle with a paintbrush reserved for the chore. I have not used the product myself, but have eaten it any number of times. That's what's used in a lot of the places where I've eaten breakfast.
The grits? Well, we like them. And we consider it hospitable to offer them to our out-of-town guests. In fact, we do sometimes have breakfast without them, but we consider it poor taste not to make the offer if we're feeding the grits-deprived. I hope to goodness someone offered you a buttermilk biscuit, too. If not, you have every right to complain!
Oh, and Krispy Kreme Doughnuts aren't just a delicacy in these parts. We consider them a necessity. And apparently so do a lot of people out there in California, from what I hear tell.
I would invite you to my place next time you're out east, but I smoke, and I hear that bothers you. And I have a particular aversion to uppity people who don't know a good time when you show it to them.