Becky Says...

September 5, 2000

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Advice

Some online writers have gone to great lengths in recent days to inform their readers that the readers don't really know the writers. I wonder what on earth the readers have said to the writers to get this sort of reaction.

So far, no one who has written me has said anything that I have found inappropriate. No one has offered me unsolicited advice, or made any comments that were inappropriate. I realize the possibility exists, but the "threat" of it seems minor.

But I sort of understand the reaction. People are always willing to give advice, whatever the subject. It's hard to avoid doing it. Whenever we've been in situations that we perceive to be the same as those our advisees are in, we recall what did or didn't work for us. And we want to pass it along.

One of the two best pieces of advice I ever got was on the subject of giving advice. It came from a friend who is a social worker. She said that whenever you give advice, you need to be prepared for the advisee not to take it. Though you may think you know everything about the person's situation, you don't. There may be some piece of information the person thought was insignificant, so didn't tell you, that would render your advice utterly incorrect. And of course the possibility exists for the situation to have changed while you were in the process of giving the advice---life doesn't stand still for instructions.

The second of the two pieces came from my cousin George a while back. It was on the subject of getting lost. He said as long as you knew what general direction you wanted to go, and knew you were heading in that direction, not to get too worried. It was likely you would come to a major road, or a direction sign, or something else that would help you figure out your current location before too much time had passed. He wasn't advocating never asking for directions; he was commenting on those times when that wasn't an option.

My advice? Remember both of these things, and if they can work for you, so be it!

Text © copyright 2000 Becky