June 2009

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Tuesday wound up being a really good day. I did a couple of things I had been dreading, and they worked out just fine.

Along the way I realized a couple of things. One, that as much as I am afraid of being out in the heat, I resent being afraid. I used to really enjoy all of spring and summer, until the past couple of years, when those times have become months when I'm scared to go out for any length of time for fear that I'll faint from the heat.

In my experience women in my family getting older have always gotten more cold-natured. And I haven't. I know one should be careful about wishing for things, but I could really get used to having to wear a light jacket all summer instead of wishing it were possible to wear something fresh from my freezer when I have to go out.

Second is that one reason a woman I vaguely know from an online source trips my "I don't like you" trigger is because she reminds me, in words, of someone I've disliked all my life. Don't worry, online woman doesn't know I don't like her. For that matter, neither does life-long woman. I just do my best to stay away from either of them.

I'm not sure what having realized either of these things means, except that I've always thought knowing myself was a good and useful thing and this definitely adds to the self-knowledge.

I will say I'm glad I realized them. And I'm glad the day was good.