July 2004

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This was a very, very full day. A lot got done at work, and a lot got done after work.

I'm helping a couple of friends with projects of theirs. In both, I'm pulling out some old information and reusing it, in addition to learning some new things in the processes.

And I'm feeling useful, which is something that matters to me.

This means, of course, that both my friends are giving me the gift of receiving my time and talents; of appreciating that I have something useful to contribute.

I love it when life circles around like that.

July 19

Something I learned today: if you piss off the brickmason, he will get you for it.

On Friday, someone in our building at the office complex accidentally pissed off the brickmason who is working on the sidewalks around the complex. We all paid the penalty today when he decided to take each and every brick out of the sidewalk in front of the building, slowly-very-slowly examine each and every brick, dust each and every brick off, eye it again, and replace it.

Except for the dozen or so bricks he didn't replace, which are standing on end atop already-replaced bricks. The arrangement of standing bricks sort of resembles a mouth at the ready for a good leg-chomp.

I happen to know the person who made him so mad left the premises early today. I figured if he saw the person leave while he was still working, he would have been even angrier, and that any interruption would have been a bad thing indeed. So I steered very clear of him.

I had to leave the office to do the late-afternoon mail drop, but I gave myself a couple of extra minutes to avoid disaster. I left our office by the back door, which was not in the war oops I mean work zone, and took the long way to the mailbox. I did the same thing in reverse to get back to the office.

I didn't want to give him any ammunition for tomorrow.

July 18

My companion on the journey and I headed down a difficult section of the path on Friday. We got to the topic of self-destructive behaviors, as part of the broader topic of depression. When I left the topic early on Saturday, one of the things that I had said was that I thought fear was the basis for many of them.

In my most impersonal personal example, if I make my living doing crafts, and fear that no one will buy my crafts, I could stop making them to keep people from hurting me (rejecting me?) by not buying them. This would cause my career as a craftsperson to be derailed, if not completely destroyed.

And that got me thinking Saturday afternoon about fear. What is probably not as much of a secret as I think it is: my biggest fear is of being abandoned, either deliberately or by circumstance. One of the things I work hardest at is making that fear stay out of the way of relationships, because left unchecked, it brings on some real whammies of self-destruction.

The journey continues.