July 2004

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My companion on the journey and I headed down a difficult section of the path on Friday. We got to the topic of self-destructive behaviors, as part of the broader topic of depression. When I left the topic early on Saturday, one of the things that I had said was that I thought fear was the basis for many of them.

In my most impersonal personal example, if I make my living doing crafts, and fear that no one will buy my crafts, I could stop making them to keep people from hurting me (rejecting me?) by not buying them. This would cause my career as a craftsperson to be derailed, if not completely destroyed.

And that got me thinking Saturday afternoon about fear. What is probably not as much of a secret as I think it is: my biggest fear is of being abandoned, either deliberately or by circumstance. One of the things I work hardest at is making that fear stay out of the way of relationships, because left unchecked, it brings on some real whammies of self-destruction.

The journey continues.