May 2003

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I am in a truly evil, pissy mood at the moment. Actually, I have been in this mood all damned day long. You'd probably be better off if you stopped reading this right now.

Okay, those who didn't leave the page, you will be rewarded for staying by a most helpful instruction. If I were in music mode at the moment, I'd be humming "How to Handle a Woman." The one from Camelot that advises the way you handle a woman is to love her. I would probably add that telling her you're sorry she's having a bad day will get you some points, too.

Note that for purposes of this entry, never mind that's a song about loving one's wife-to-be. Use "her" to mean your friend/family member who happens to be female. And feel free to change the gender.

The prompt for the instruction is there are way too freaking many people in my life who think the way to handle this woman is to take notice of the fact that she's a strong woman, and forget that there are times when she's hurt or disappointed or doesn't feel well or is stressed beyond words and could damned well use some moral support.

The Becky model of woman does not require great honking grand gestures. She likes them just fine, but what she really wants is to be told she's wonderful occasionally, and to be told someone is sorry if she hurts. She wants acknowledgement that her feelings matter.

A couple of examples. Several weeks ago, I sent e-mail to four friends who I thought particularly ought to hear something before it became journal fodder (about the stress I've mentioned a few times, and will no doubt write more on later).

One of those friends had the grace to realize that I needed to be told he was sorry I was stressed and that he hoped the situation improved. The most telling thing here is that the person who wrote is one who has had a bad year himself. His note meant a great deal to me. The other three? Silence. Don't know why.

Something similar happened today. Larger group, with two supportive, concerned responses this time, again from friends who have had rough times of late. Both those replies were deeply appreciated, and yes, I do see the pattern here, in terms of which people realize my need for acknowledging, supporting comments.

So why am I in such a bad mood? Let's just say someone else who wrote to me today in response to my news apparently missed the lesson above the last time instruction was available, and wound up hurting my feelings. And I tend to get really nasty when my feelings get hurt. I promise to get over it, but I really needed to get it off my chest.