March 10, 2001 Entries Links Communication |
An AnniversaryToday is the anniversary of the day five years ago that my mother had her third stroke. It's been on my mind all day. I had seen her the day before, and she was fine. And that day (March 9) was the last day I ever heard her voice. After that point, she was on a ventilator and couldn't talk. I've written about the effects of that stroke, which ultimately led to her death, in an earlier entry. Suffice it to say that was one of the more difficult times in my life. Sometimes I think I miss her voice most of all. I miss hearing her say my name. I miss hearing her say she loves me. And I miss the private little jokes we used to have. An aside: one thing that was amusing while she was in the nursing home is that she occasionally would call me by a nickname that only made sense to the two of us. The nursing home staff always thought she was babbling. But she wasn't. I tinally just quit trying to explain what it meant, and would tell them that it was a long-time private joke. I am glad, though, that the last time I heard her voice I didn't know it would be the last time. I'm not sure I could have borne having that knowledge. I have been fortunate several times in my life that something that turned out to be a last time wasn't known to be in advance. This is certainly one of them.
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